It's not about me....

Now that you know the physical whats that have been occuring since we last met each other on these pages, its time to get deeper.

This past Weekend I had the opportunity to go on my second year retreat. It was in the embassy suites, right next to the beautiful LAX. Not exactly the most serene place for a retreat, but you do with what you can. Five of us from the Southwest and three from the Midwest.

I could not have been more thankful for this weekend that came when it did.
The time of year when all the simple living, soul serching, service, community living was just plain starting to burn me out. Here we are month 16 of living too many miles away from home to count, having to plan phone dates with people at home, and just plain wondering how much more JVC can I take. I had totally lost site of what I wanted to accomplish, and why I was doing this. I was struggling in Phoenix, with my spirituality, my community, to see the difference I was making with the students at work, why not eating meat was important, and it was driving me insane.

This weekend gave me a chance to process with others who knew what that feeling was like. We not only engaged in organized reflection activities, but also just had fun, enjoyed each others company, shared stories, and gave advice. We went to In-n-Out, lounged in the hot tub, made arts and crafts posters, and had a three hour convo that helped me gain persepective on this year, last year, and where I want to go from here.


I realize that I left a piece of myself in Chicago, with my former community, and the residents and staff of ABAM. I couldn't accept that before, and I felt guilty for it. Anytime I though about chicago, or the memories I made/good times I had I felt that I wasn't giving my all to community or I was living in the past. I've come to accept that this is okay. I was an experience that has shaped me, and my life, and I've also taken pieces of all of them on my journey now to Phoenix that I am now sharing with others.

Looking back I relize that my last year wasn't this glorified picture that I have painted it out to be. There were real struggles and it to, was hard everyday. There were fights at home, akward moments where I couldn't be myself, aggravating and tired moments at work that I was completely unqualified to handle, moments that I questioned what the heck am I doing this for, what am I actually accomplishing (i.e. rice week). But despite all the struggles it was an experience that I would never trade and have nothing but love for, much like this one. I am confident that come month 24 I will look upon this year with the same gratitude and love for the people of phoenix, my community, and my job.

With a little over a 1/4 of my JVC experience left to go I still have miles to go before I can say that I got that former status and have fullfilled all the goals that I had coming into JVC both 16 months and 4 months ago. I don't know if I will in the next 8 months either. But I will never know unless I start.

If we gotta start somewhere why not here
If we gotta start sometime why not now
If we gotta start somewhere I say here
If we gotta start sometime I say now
Through the fog there is hope in the distance
From Cathedrals to third world missions
Love will fall to the earth like a crashing wave
"Toby Mac"

The hardest part of this JVC business is to accept the fact that it's not about me. It's about everyone else. The people I live with, the friends I've made, the people I serve. It's about them. My committment to love and to serve and not to count the cost. It is only when I remeber that and apply it to life that my eyes will be opened and I will be "ruined for life"

1,000 Words or Less

Hello Friends,

So I am aware that I have fallen off the face of the blogging universe for about 2 months, but thats what no internet at home, an extremely busy work day, and lack of motivation will do to you. Well I am happy to say that I have found motivation again in the Holidays!

I honestly feel like I dont know where to pick up.

I guess I'll just hit the big ones.

Holloween:I had the pleasure of riding with my casamates to the wonderful land of San Diego to hang out with a bunch of JVs from the Southern Southwest Region. LA, San Diego, and the Phoenican Contingent were all there in full force. While here I learned of the new obsession young people have with a drink called Four Loco's. It is basically alcohol and caffine, and now banned in several states becuase people are having heart attacks upon consumption. Scary, and yet JV's will still keep drinking it because we have no money and it's cheap. Me, I had a sip and spit it back out. It tasted like purple diamatap, even tho the liquid was yellow. Despite this Four Loco's Craze it was great seeing some of the JV's that we haven't seen in a while. After the awkwardness of what's your name again's and where do live, It was nice to chat with people and make new friends. Later came a costume party where charlie brown and his pals, the ninga turtles, a JVC Program Coordinator and the cast of the Jesery Shore were all in full attendance.

Washington D.C. Trip:
So I got to be back on the East Coast for about 5 days and it was WONDERFUL! I spent five days staying in a hotel in a queen size bed all to myself and learning about the DC area and its connection to civil rights, learning about immigration, and the El Salavdorian Martyers, along with doing some site-seeing and seeing some awesome people! The best part: Dinner with my Mama, Aunt Debbie, UC, Vicki and Steve. Second Best Part: Lunch with Mateo and MaiMai! It was so good to be sorta home, seeing people that I love. I was so tired after the trip, but I came back rejuvinated in some awesome way!
While there We also had a private meeting with Senetor McCain about the issue of immigration. It didnt go as well as I had hoped but it was awesome to be in a private meeting with a US senetor and former presidential canidate.

Thanksgiving:Casa's BArt and Truth welcomed their homes to 40Jvs's from all around the southwest region. It was quiet an experience. The first community arrived at about 1am on Thanksgiving morning which communiies following suit until about 3am. I gave up and went to bed. Why? Well let's back track to how I chaporoned at trip to Mexico again that morning. We left school at like 4:30 am and returned at 11pm. I got back just in time to want to pass out but instead was greated by JVs who came for a weekend of food, drink, and friendship.
Thursday was awesome. Becky and I rode around Phoenix for hours doing last minute things for our big feast. The NoCal contingent arrived at about 8:30am awaking the house and allowing us all to prepare for the awesomeness that was to come. We all got dressed in our Thanksgiving best, decorated the table, open the wine, tapped the keg and induldgeed in as much food as we could hold. Then bought out the pie's and ate some more. Finally a trip to the dive bar of four Kings made the night complete. (Although, I spent a good hour that night trying to get lost people back to my house)
Black Friday was no complete without a treck to the local Christown Mall. Were I bought sweet sweatpants for just $5.00. After which we headed back to casa truth to take part in the Phoenix Thanksgiving tradition of Beer Olympics. Casa Truth became East and West Germany with the Berlin Wall to seperate them. We got through two events before the Keg was empty and the games were over, only to be replaced with a nightclub in our backyard. I didn't count but i believe we danced for like 6 hours. AWESOME!!!!
Saturday consisted of most people sitting in my living room, watching football, and getting polluted, but their was a different option. Harry Potter! On the Saturday of thanksgiving, I went to see HP7 for the 2nd time, a descsion I do not regret! getting their was quiet the experience. Before the movie I was hanging at Casa bart where we met a nice women named Michelle** (name has been changed). Michelle was a little intoxicated and decided she would join our football frisbee game, and then run away,and run back, run away, use the bathroom behind a low wall, then come back. When we all got in the van to head to the theater. She decided to sit on their front porch and wait for us to return. This resulted in me driving in circles, waiting for Matt and Scott to be ready to join us for the movie.
After the movie we proceeded to have a three hour conversation about the Potterverse! Time Well Spent! Another Trip to Four Kings, ended the Thanksgiving Shananagins.
On Sunday the guests left and we were left with a destroyed house to clean up. We finished a went to Taco Bell, then I read book 7 of Harry Potter. Again. Time.Well.Spent.

So that's all for now. I'll try to update again real soon!